


In The Night

by thereisalwaysanand



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe- Canon, Angst, Death but I promise there's no permanent deaths, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Minor Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Non-Graphic Smut, Sam Ships It, The Darkness - Freeform, There will be a happy ending its okay, Unrequited Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Work In Progress, canon!verse, minor Wincest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-03 16:22:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5298068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thereisalwaysanand/pseuds/thereisalwaysanand
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean had the mark, it was easy to ignore the flip in his stomach when he looked at Cas. But the longer the mark is gone, the harder it gets to hold in the feelings. Meanwhile, Sam is confused, the darkness still looms over them, and a familiar face renters the Winchester family mix.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Acceptance

**Author's Note:**

> ((This is a work in progess and it might be slow going, sorry!))

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mark of Cain brought hell to the eldest winchester, but it kept Dean from thinking about Cas. For months Dean didn't think about the angel's lips, or his tousled sex hair, or the way his smile made deans chest burn. It was a relief, but it left an ache. At the height of the mark, Sam would have killed to be awkward witness to a destiel eye sex sesh. When the real Dean returned, so did the tension, and Sam regrets ever reminiscing about this love sick vibe his brother exudes. With everything that's happened, and especially now that Cas lives in the bunker, Dean doesn't want to live with unspoken feelings. But how does a man whose been hiding his feelings for decades, finally find the words to tell a centuries old angel he's in love?

“I’m in love with you, you dick.”

Sam blinks at Dean’s sudden outburst, and is unable to form coherent thoughts. His mouth struggles to form any sounds, and his lips twitch with the effort.

Meanwhile, across the table, Dean is unaware of the stroke he just caused his baby brother to suffer, and has his head planted firmly on the table, hands covering his ears. Dean makes a frustrated sound akin to a bear, and pushes himself up off the hard surface.

“That’s not romantic enough, right?” he says in the direction of Sam.

But Sam still doesn’t really understand what exactly is happening here. He sits frozen, eyes wide, staring at Dean.

“Ugh stop looking at me like that, I know, okay?” Dean puts a hand over his eyes and then pinches the bridge of his nose. “I mean the guy raised me from hell, and gave up freaking heaven for me. I can manage more then, hey asshat, I think you’re pretty hot, right? Sam?”

Realization hits Sam with such force he actually has to exhale. _Oh._

 “I, uh…. You….Cas?” Sam manages the words out with extreme difficulty.

Dean mimics him in mock stupidity. “Uh, yes, duh, me, Cas. Dude, I thought you knew.”

Sam did know, of course, he had functioning eyes. It wasn’t that Dean was prepping to confess his love for Cas that threw him off balance. Hell, Sam had been waiting six years for the pair to have their romcom moment. No, it was the way Dean’s earlier words had punched him in the gut. He didn’t….love….Dean….right? Right. This is stupid. He just got flustered.

“Yeah, no, lets avoid insults in your love speech, alright?” Sam thinks he sounds normal again, hopefully.

If he doesn’t, Dean doesn’t notice, he just stands and starts pacing. “I mean I just don’t know what to say because I mean, Cas lives with us now and what if he doesn’t feel the same way and I screw everything up? Or, or what if Cas already knows and I’m just being overly dramatic? I mean angels can read minds, ya? Can Cas even feel these…kinds of feelings?”

It should be noted that as Dean is busy being very open, honest, and loud with his concerns, which is a miracle for the eldest Winchester, Sam is too preoccupied mulling over the way his heart somersaulted when Dean said “I love you.” If Sam had been listening to Dean, he would have been able to stop Dean’s downward spiral in its tracks because it’s the most obvious thing in the world that Cas loves Dean, and is probably just as nervous to bring it into the light of day.

When Sam comes to from his own feelings nightmare, Dean has both hands on the table and is looking at him with father-like concern. “Sammy, are you not okay with this? Because I can continue to swallow my feelings, I’ve been doing it for like 1,000 years it’s not a big deal.”

“What? Dean, no. I’m fully supportive of casdean.” Sam says earnestly, and Dean’s face fills with relief.

Seeing his brothers features soften, Sam is filled with what he hopes is brotherly affection. He runs a hand through his hair. “Why don’t you take him for a walk in the woods? Cas likes nature and stuff. And wasn’t purgatory all woodsy? You can recreate it, except without the purgatory.”

Dean nods. “Not a bad idea, Sammy.”

As he watches Dean whip his phone out of his pocket to call Cas, Sam wonders how deep he swallowed his own feelings.


	2. About Last Night

Sam didn't bother waiting up for Cas and Dean. He remembered what it was like when Jess and he had first gotten together and if it was anything like that when destiel became real life, well Sam was 99% sure he didn't want to see that.  
The lingering 1% was the thoughts of Dean he pushed to the back of his mind as he brought himself to release, alone, in his room.  
The next morning, Sam was first up, but that was nothing new. Cas had developed a habit of sleeping even if he didn't need to. He said he liked the warm escape that unconsciousness brought and honestly Sam didn't blame the guy. There had been a few nights that Sam had caught Cas lingering in front of Deans door, shoulders slumped and face hinting at the conflicting thoughts that no doubt were only relieved by a silent mind.  
Sam considered how nice it would be to finally have the bunker free of the thick tension that surrounded his brother and the angel as he set out three cups for coffee. (Cas liked being part of the brothers routine, molecules be damned.) When Castiel finally emerged from his room, Sam had been through two cups and was growing tired of waiting to hear about this epic confession. Before the angel could even sit he was already speaking.  
"How did it go?" His voice was eager, too eager, and he shook his head just a little at himself.  
"Well." Cas murmured as he poured his coffee.  
"Well? That's all you have to say??"  
Cas sighed and his eyes darkened with sleep and annoyance. "Yes, Sam. Well. We found all four werewolves and even managed to rescue a human they were holding."  
Sam raised his eyebrows.  
Cas took a sip and made a face at the heat of the liquid. He swallowed and looked to Sam. "I trust your silence is your way of commendation."  
Sam cleared his throat. "Yeah buddy, good job." He stands and pats the Angels shoulder as walks in the direction of Dean's room.  
He finds Dean's door shut but unlocked and doesn't bother knocking before he barges in and shuts the door behind him. Dean is...crumpled... on the bed. One hand on the back of his neck, wrapped in a blood stained bandage, and the other gripping and empty bottle of Jack. His clothes are still on, and there's bloodied paper towels by the far edge of the bed. A glance to the newly formed crater in the left wall, the one farthest from Cas' room, gives Sam a pretty good idea of what went on in here last night.  
He scrubs a hand against the stubble on his jaw and sighs deeply. Dean stirs and grumbles a noise that Sam had heard the night he hit that dog.  
"I fucked up, Sammy."  
"You wanna talk about it?"  
Dean rolls to his back, and brings the bottle to his chest, like a child clutching a stuffed bear. He looks to the ceiling and Sam can see the dark circles under his eyes from where he stands at the foot of the bed.  
"I panicked. Completely shit the bed, figuratively." Sam snorts. Dean sits up and looks at his brother and Sam's heart flips. "Now what, Sammy?"  
He shrugs and loops a finger through a belt loop on his jeans. The way Dean's lip pouts makes a small part of Sam want to scream /kiss me/, but he pushes it back, far. "Cas likes when you cook for him. I'll go on a hunt, you cook his brains out. And ice your hand."  
Dean nods. Sam leaves, retreating to his own room to watch Netflix and swipe tinder, looking for a hook up to numb the sympathy pain he feels for his brother.  
What neither of the Winchesters know is that, last night, when Dean made a bee line for his room, brand new bottle of whiskey in hand, Cas opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He followed Dean to the door and watched it slam in front of his eyes, and Dean didn't hear him slide his back down the wood to the floor, and listen to Dean try to drink himself to death. Dean didn't hear Cas slam his head back on the door. He didn't hear Cas' muffled sobs, and he definitely didn't hear Cas whisper "I love you, please stop, please..." as Dean punched the wall of his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this on my iPhone notes so forgive the formatting. Love you guys!


	3. Mischief Managed

Sam drove to a hotel in Olathe, Kansas. It was more city then Dean would have ever let him near, and the hotel was too nice to be even considered as a base for a hunt. It was a game Sam liked to play when Dean wasn't around. Sam plays as a visiting secretive business man, plays the bar circuit, tinder, whatever. Different name, different city, different Sam. This time around, Sam wasn't in to the role play of it all, he messaged the girl and said to get the key at the front desk. He was waiting for his date, watching the weird hotel channel on the tv in the room, when Dean first texted him.  
I need you to text me every ten minutes telling me it's going to be okay.-dw  
No.- sw  
It's going to be okay.- sw  
In the same second the text sent, Sam heard the quick little knock at the door. He smiled slyly and went to let her in, pausing briefly to straighten his stance and run a hand through his hair. He opened the door to find her exactly as she appeared in the small profile picture. Short, even in her black heels, with a skin tight black dress hugging every perfect curve.  
"Jaclyn, right?"  
She smiled at him, green eyes sparkling. "Sure thing hun"  
She winks and walks past him. He smiles at the empty hallway and follows her. 45 minutes later and the hotel room has turned into Sam Winchester's personal sex paradise. Somehow this girl knows everything he wants, knows exactly how he likes to be touched, and when he comes for her, the release is more than just a carnal need. He can feel his anxiety drip away, Dean a thousand years away from him. He runs a hand across his face as he watches Jaclyn walk into the bathroom, humming to herself.  
Sam reached for his phone. 15 missed messages from Dean, 3 missed messages from Cas. He twirled the phone in his hand before dropping it off the edge of the bed, the love story could wait.  
When Jaclyn returned she had a big smile on her face, the kind that screamed "I have a secret."  
Sam played along and smiled back. "What is it?"  
"I was just thinking." She said, and then laughed. He sat up to look at her better. "Would you have done this if you knew who I was?"  
Sam's grin fell and he casually reached for a weapon, but found none. "Who are you?"  
"I'll give you a hint." She leans in, putting a knee on the bed, perched like a cat about to attack a mouse. "I used to be a man." She winks.  
Sam is dumbstruck, mouth gaping, eyes searching. With a snap of fingers and a swirl of gray and there he is, beautiful and unchanged, like the day they left him in that God hotel. Gabriel.  
"Hiya Sammy"  
Sam's mind races, every memory played again in crystal clear hd. How is this possible?  
"Please Sam, after all this time you still doubt me?" The archangel smiles. "Isn't obvious? I came for you."  
Sam snorts at him.  
"Okay, okay. Fine. Geesh. If you must know, I've been in hiding. Being dead was nice if I'm being honest. But, if I'm really being honest..." Gabriel moves closer to Sam on the bed, slowly taking a hand and cupping Sam's cheek. "I wanted to come back to you all the time. I missed you, Sam Winchester. And you missed me. "  
Sam's lips turn in a small smile. He had forgotten how nice Gabriel's hands felt. He clears his throat and raises his eyebrows. "Just so we're clear, I am not done talking about you tricking me into sex-"  
"Uh okay and you're definitely Charles Hemlock from Boston right?"  
Sam raises a finger to gabe's lips. "Why now?"  
Gabriel bites Sam's finger gently pushes Sam's hand back towards him, in the process bringing their faces closer together. He lowers his voice to a whisper. "For a nerd, you are pretty..." Gabe pauses as their lips touch. "...Dumb." He whispers into Sam's lips. Sam can't help but smile and he kisses back. It doesn't take long for things to get heated and for the second time Sam feels his anxiety drip away as his angel brings him to release.  
It's not until several hours later, tangled in the arms of the archangel Gabriel, that Sam finally remembers to check his phone. Gabe moans as Sam struggles out from beneath him. "What could possibly be more important than this?"  
"I, uh, I think Cas and Dean finally had 'the talk'" Sam says as he reaches for the phone, which has fallen under the bed.  
"And by talking you mean..."  
"Well, it was probably very similar to the kind of talking we do."  
"I'm interested. Damn baby brother finally made his move!"  
Sam finally retrieves the phone and sits up in victory.  
"Actually no. I think Cas has been leaving the confessionals up to Dean. I think he doesn't want to scare him off."  
27 missed messages from Dean, the screen informs him.  
"Well you Winchesters are a little hard to get open."  
Sam looks over at him annoyed. He slides the screen and starts reading aloud for gabe's sake.  
Fuck-dw  
Sam, really, fuck-dw  
SAM I BURNED THE FOOD.-dw  
Scratch that. I burned the kitchen.-dw  
Well actually I burned a chair. -dw  
No I'm not kidding. Please answer. -dw  
I blame you.-dw  
This is a sign. I'm not telling him. -dw  
Talk me out of not telling him. -dw

"How many of these messages are there?" Gabe asks exasperated.  
"A lot. He didn't tell him. But there's a few from Cas, you want me to read them?" Sam looks at him with raises eyebrows. Gabriel props his head on his fists like a child awaiting a bedtime story. Sam smiles and leans in to kiss his forehead. Then he turns back to the phone  
Dean burned the kitchen. -c  
I'm worried about him. -c  
Are you okay? -c

Sam sighs deeply and thinks that he should already be driving, who knows how Dean is handling yet another failed attempt. Gabriel kisses Sam. "We can leave tomorrow." He says. It's not a question but it's soothing in tone.  
"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consent is important in the real world, people.


	4. Through the Looking Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel and Sam took a few detours while driving home (wink wink) and its early evening by the time they arrive at the bunker.

Sam and Gabriel hovered over the threshold of the bunker. Sam's brain continuously playing the different scenes that could play out when he revealed Gabriel to Dean and Cas.  
(Watching Sam, Gabriel had a flash of a kids movie he watched while he was busy being dead "do you think he knows how to knock?")  
The choice was made for Sam when the door swung open and he was left nose to nose with a frazzled Dean, who froze at the sight of the formerly fallen archangel.  
"What the fuck?" Dean yelled at Sam, and turned back grabbing Sam's hand as he spun. Sam felt a flash of heat on his cheeks, and it didn't go unnoticed by Gabriel, who wiggled an eyebrow as he trailed behind Sam.  
"CAS! Get your feathery ass in here."  
"Dean...I don't want to fight anymore..." Cas grumbled as he walked into the room below the door.  
Sam took the opportunity. "You're fighting? What did my ass of a brother do now?"  
Dean grimaced. "You assume it's me? Really?"  
Sam nodded, lips in a thin line but eyebrows raised. Dean, having dropped Sam's hand the moment Cas entered the room and was now following Sam down the stairs, made a "this bitch" gesture in Sam's general direction and looked to Cas, who was blank staring Dean into oblivion. Dean tilted his head back. "Bitch."  
Sam manages a small smile. "Jerk."  
It's this moment that Gabriel chooses to smoothly stroll into the room, gazing lovingly down at team free will from the balcony. "Did you miss me?" He says with a wink.  
Dean is close enough to Cas to see the minute details of his reaction, the clench of the jaw, eyes widening, fingers twitch at his side. Dean can practically smell the fear wafting off Castiel. "No."  
Gabriel is making a grand entrance on the stair case, and Sam is taking a moment to appreciate the view. "Brother. You aren't happy to see me?" Gabriel cocks his head.  
"Not under these circumstances." Comes the gravelly reply. "I had feared this from the moment the darkness was released. A force so powerful, it would take God to fix the mess we made."  
"But God doesn't fight his own battles."  
Dean laughs, a sinister, throaty, break to the tension in the room. Gabriel comes to stand next to Sam. Sam's hand falls to his side, the electricity between the two crackling.  
Cas takes a step forward, putting Dean and himself in a position to perfectly mirror Sam and Gabe. Deans fingers lift, as though they are reaching out for contact of their own accord. He coughs to cover this lapse in the facade. "How did you find him, Sam?" Cas questions.  
It's Sam's turn to cough, but Gabriel speaks for him. "I've been playing hunter for weeks now, trying to track one of you down. I saved his ass from a vampire coven, too, no thanks necessary." Sam flicks a side glance at Gabriel.  
Dean nods. Cas squints his eyes, an then turns, grabbing Deans wrist and quite literally dragging him out of the room. Sam barely managed to catch a glimpse of Cas's hand lowering into Dean's, their fingers lacing.  
When he's sure they're out of ear shot, he turns and grabs Gabriel's hand. "I was going to tell them the truth."  
"Were you, Sammy? Because I saw the way you look at Dean. I saw it during the apocalypse, too. I thought that at some point you'd get over it, seeing as your brothers in love with Cas."  
Sam shakes his head. "This is different. I like you, I always have. Hell, I grieved for you. Do you know how rare that is for me? Everyone I know is dead!"  
Gabriel extracts his hand from Sam's. "Look. Yesterday was fun. And I like you. Hell, you're the most amazing person I've ever witnessed. It's hard not to want to dive in and pay for it later. But take a minute and figure out yourself. I'm a millennia old angel of the lord, and part time Demi God. I'm not second choice. You and I...we deserve better."  
Sam nodded, eyes boring into the floor. "We have an extra room, I'll get you set up."  
Gabriel set a hand on Sam's forearm. "Thank you."  
Meanwhile, Cas had dragged Dean into his room, which consisted of nothing but a poorly made bed. If you weren't looking, you wouldn't notice the small stuffed guinea pig under one of the pillows. Dean had found in and had gleefully presented it to Cas a few weeks ago, the angel had solemnly taken the fluffy creature into his care and it had been in his bed ever since.  
"This is bad." Cas stated.  
"Not what I wanted to hear when you dragged me into your bedroom." Dean looked to his side, eying the bed.  
Cas squints. "What could you possibly have wanted to hear?"  
"Nevermind, Cas. How bad?"  
"If Gabriel is here, that means one of two things. He tricked us all into believing his was dead, which is impossible and he must of had help."  
"Probably from a big bad." Dean nods in comprehension. "What's behind door number 2?"  
Cas pauses. "Or all the archangels might return."  
Dean turns his eyes to the ceiling. "Including lucifer. Shit."  
Cas nods.  
Deans turns his back to Cas and pinches the bridge of his nose.  
"Dean..."  
No reply.  
"Are you alright?"  
Dean straightens but doesn't look at Cas. "I'm fine."  
The hunter walks out of the room and doesn't look back to see Cas sit on the bed and gingerly hold the stuffed animal, a face full of fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.wildrepublic.com/en/guinea-pig-stuffed-animal-8-class?gclid=CjwKEAiAs4qzBRD4l-2w7qOoqEMSJABauikX2UyHmTmg9Ps-9tKwu48R1YgCH35_b8JU7gg0P4eTqhoCQM7w_wcB
> 
> ^^Just in case you want a visual of the fluff that inspired me. Anyone got a good idea for a name for Cas' guinea pig?


	5. Screw It

Dean burst back into Cas' room. "I don't want to fight anymore."  
Cas put aside the toy and stood to face Dean. "Neither do I."  
"No, Cas." Dean scrubbed a hand across his jaw. "I don't want to fight with you, ever. I'm done with this thing we have of just yelling and taking turns beating the snot out of each other."  
Cas opens his mouth to speak but Dean raises a hand. Cas' mouth slams shut, his bluer than blue eyes searching Dean's face. "You're my best friend, Cas. You're the best th- the best friend I've ever had. I need you. I just want you to be happy and safe and I'm tired of this pit in my stomach that one day you'll wake up and realize the mistake you've made, staying with me, and you'll leave."  
"Is that why you tried to cook dinner for me?" Cas asks quizzically.  
Dean looks down and rubs the back of his neck. "I want you to feel like this is home." He lifts his eyes shyly.  
Cas takes a step forward. "Do you know why I like to watch you cook?" Dean shakes his head. "It makes me think of you and Sam. You worked so hard to protect him, even in the smallest ways, like making sure he got enough to eat. And you did it all out of love. When you cook, I can see the love in your eyes. It makes you happy to feed someone. It makes you happy to protect someone." Cas pauses thoughtfully. "I am my happiest when you are happy Dean."  
Deans shoulders sag. Cas reaches out for his hand, but thinks better of it and just his hand grasps at empty air before retreating to his side. "My home is where you are Dean. As long as you want me."  
Dean straightens and takes a step forward. Their bodies just a foot away, just one more step would close the gap between them. Some part of Dean thinks that there's no way an unspoken staring contest should be this fucking sexy. Cas tilts his head and Dean licks his lips. "What happened to your 'personal space'" Cas doesn't make air quotes but Dean can imagine it clear as day. A low grumble of a laugh escapes his throat. "Screw it."  
Dean takes the step, crashing his mouth into Cas'. Cas reacts instantly, reaching up to graze the man's neck, his jawline, to rake fingers through his hair. Their mouths slot together like puzzle pieces, tongues exploring. Dean's arm wraps around Cas, his free hand making its way up the Angel's torso, reaching to grip the blue tie. It feels like hours, but at the same time like seconds, when Dean pulls away to breathe. He leans down to press his forehead to Cas' neck, breathing in his smell. Cas turns into the embrace, his face glowing with love. Dean whimpers into Cas' neck, "Don't leave."  
Cas smooths the hunter's hair. "I won't leave if you won't leave either."  
"Deal."  
Dean extracts himself from Cas, caressing a hand over his jaw as he corrects his posture and takes a small step back. "What should we do about Gabriel." Dean asks, his thoughts turning to Sam.  
Cas sighs. "I think our first step is to talk to him. Find out what he remembers? Dean. I'm not sure we can trust Sam's judgement on this one. He... Has a soft spot for Gabriel."  
Dean smiles. "Glad I'm not the only one who noticed. Dude was way too quick to bring him to our secret lair. And I'm not buying the vampire thing. I hate to even think about it, but as king of awkward hook ups, I know the look on Sam's face all too well. There's something going on there, as weird as it is."  
"I agree." Cas says with a small nod. He looks off, deep in thought. "If you and Sam go on a hunt tomorrow, it would give me an opportunity to talk to my brother alone. I just read a news story about a group of teenagers suddenly running away from home. I looked into it and the next town over had 4 animal attacks within the week."  
Dean beams at him. "Good idea. Look at you, hunter Castiel."  
Cas eyes flicker and he blushes. Dean clears his throat. "I'll tell Sammy."  
Dean leaves to go find Sam. After a few hours, Cas finds himself wandering to the library.  
Gabriel is already sitting in a chair when Cas arrives, but Sam is no where to be seen. Gabe looks up from his book at the sound of footsteps. "Brother." He tips his chin at Cas.  
"Gabriel."  
"I know what you're thinking." Gabe says, putting the book down.  
Cas pushes air out of his nose. "Do you, now?" Is his short reply.  
Gabe slides down in the chair. "Take a seat."  
Cas stays standing.  
Gabriel rolls his eyes. "Your choice i suppose. Look, I know you're concerned about how I'm here, and honestly? I don't know much. I do know that I was definitely dead. And then I wasn't. But the kicker is I've been back for...about a year."  
It's like you can see the gears ticking along in Cas' head. "That's about when Dean died and became a demon."  
Gabriel leans forward. "I'm sorry. What now? I knew that Dean had the mark, and I know that by removing it you released the darkness, but no one mentioned a trip to the dark side. How did you fix that one?"  
Cas shrugs. "Sam learned how to cure a demon during the trials."  
Gabe whistles. "An angel and a demon sitting in a tree..."  
Cas squints. "Oh stop it's an expression." Gabriel says.  
Castiel's features relax briefly. "If you were brought back so early, is it possible your resurrection has nothing to do with the situation at hand?"  
"Doubtful. I woke up in the hidden library of Alexandria. Surrounded by pre biblical books and artifacts. When I was recovering to full grace, I had a lot of time to look around. I don't think anyone knows how to defeat the darkness. If father did bring me back, he will most certainly bring back the others."  
"Sam has been having visions of the cage."  
Gabriel seems unsurprised. "Affection for the Winchester brothers is apparently genetic." Gabriel chews over the information. "Don't tell either of them yet. Let's wait and see what happens."  
Cas nods. "I'm not happy about lying to Dean, but I think it may be best. I told Dean about a potential case, they'll be gone at least 3 days."  
"That should give us enough time to figure out what we're dealing with. You done good, Cassie."  
Cas murmurs a thank you and leaves, going to his room. Closing the door he strips down to just boxers, shuts off the light, and climbs into bed, wrapping blankets around himself. Just as Cas starts to doze off, he hears the door creak open and shut. Soft footsteps pad over to the bed, and the warm of a body joins him on the mattress without asking permission. In the darkness, Dean curls into Cas' open arms.  
Dean sleeps better than he has in years.


	6. This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunting things, hiding feelings, the family burden.

Dean spends three days turning his cell phone over in his hands wondering if he should call while silently praying for cas to be the one to make the connection. Meanwhile Sam attempt to drown his wandering mind in lore and blood and adrenaline.  
Before...that night...three days of no communication would have been almost nothing to worry about. A tug of worry at best. But now three days of radio silence leaves Dean exhausted and a deep regret has set in his bones. In comparison to what they've been through, a little wallowing from his older brother should be easy breezy, but it still sends shivers of worry up Sam's spine when dean throws him the impala keys and slides into the passenger seat, quickly falling in to a fitful sleep.  
Sam almost kills them three times on the way home because he can't tear his eyes away from Dean.

Cas and Gabe are sitting at the table when the brothers come in. "Check it out Sammy" Gabriel says, pulling up a bag filled with candy to show Sam, "I'm king of the gummy sharks." His eyes are glimmering with pride and Sam's heart does a little flip.  
"You're a child." He says to the archangel.  
Gabe smirks, "takes one to know one." Sam pretends to be annoyed, but he still takes the seat closet to gabe,across the table from Castiel. Dean eyes the chair sitting, empty and inviting, next to cas, but makes no move to sit.  
"Awesome." He says, with a tone thats decidedly not awesome. "So for three days you've been what? Putting maple syrup on spaghetti and eating cotton balls?"  
Cas crinkles his nose. "I still don't see why Buddy didn't realize he was not an elf. Dean, he was so much larger than his father." Cas looks to the hunter with wide eyes.  
Dean throws a bitch face at the Angel. "Bigger problems here, Cas."  
There's a second where their eyes catch for just a little to long, and dean finds himself swiping his tongue over his lips out of habit. Cas breaks and looks over to Sam and Gabriel. "Of course. Gabriel and i were unsuccessful in determining who or what summoned him back to life."  
"I have a few guesses, top of the list being Death." Gabriel chimes in, and then bites the head off a gummy shark.  
Sam nods. "Death did seem to know an awful lot about the consequences of removing the mark."  
Dean puts his hands up. "Well in case you forgot, a certain ass named me frickin killed Death. So how do you all want to proceed with this theory."  
There's a few moments of silence, save for Gabriel chewing. He swallows and leans into Sam. "You guys killed death?" He whispers, eyebrow cocked.  
Dean lets out an exaggerated grumble and walks out of the room.  
Cas looks to where Dean went, and then back to the pair across from him, wiggles a bit in his seat, and then stands and follows Dean, his trench coat making a whooshing sound to mark his exit.  
Silence.  
"Listen..." Sam says at the same time as Gabriel says "Sammy..."  
They both pause. "You go first." Sam nudges gabes knee with his own.  
When Gabriel says nothing, Sam clears his throat and musters up his courage. "Gabriel, you're not my second choice. At all. I think a lot of why i...have this problem...is because Dean is the only constant in my life, you know? And my brain just supplies these feelings but they're not real."  
The Angel smirks. "And you think your feelings for me are real."  
Sam shrugs his shoulders. "Yeah, I do."  
Gabriel breathes out a laugh. "Life is long and you are hot." And before Sam can call him out on his 'Doctor Who' reference, lips are covering his and he's pulling the smaller being into his lap and curling his large hands into Gabriel's hair.  
There's this moment, when you're kissing someone, and you can feel the blood pulsing through them and you're sharing oxygen and spit and heat it feels like at any moment you'll just stop being two bodies and you'll just become one and you're so fucking alive, and the only thing you can think is this. This moment. This person. This, this, this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so I really stopped writing this fic because I felt like no one cared. But then I was like fuck you imma write this.  
> I referenced the movie 'elf' (it's my personal headcanon that Dean sat cas down to watch Christmas movies and cas didn't understand any of it.) and the season three episode 'blink' from Doctor who.


	7. Sickly Sweet

And then it got worse. The visions, the cage, settled in Sam's mind, and icy burn creeping on the edges of his heart. A seemingly inescapable fate.   
"Dean shouldn't we at least talk about this?" Sam said. The four of them were seated around the table, Gabriel nervously picking at a bowl of jelly beans and Cas staring blankly into space. Dean stood and put his hands on the table. "Yeah okay. Not happening. Good talk."  
"Dean, Sam has a point. If he is having visions it is worth checking out." Cas spoke but didn't move his gaze to look at Dean. The hunter shot a glare at the Angel. "Would it kill you to be on my side for this, cas?"  
Cas sighed and looked to the floor. "I am almost always on your 'side' Dean, I just think that it would help to see what these visions could mean for us and the darkness. So, yes, not looking into every lead we have could kill me at some point in the future."  
Dean scoffed a "gee, thanks" at Cas and looked back to Sam and Gabriel, pointing a finger at his little brother. "No cage, are we clear?" Sam nodded, and when Gabriel did nothing to acknowledge Dean, he kicked him under the table. "Yeah, yeah, Dean-o. I got it"  
In lieu of an thank you, Sam curled his hand into Gabriel's under the table and the corners of Gabriel's mouth pulled into a lob sided smile.  
As the older man was turning to walk away, Cas reached up for Dean's arm. Dean stopped but didn't meet Cas' gaze. "Dean, please. I think you're making a mistake."  
Dean set his jaw, and shrugged his arm our of the grasp of the Angel. "You wanna go on a field trip to talk to the goddamn devil, Cas? Fine. Be my guest. But leave Sam out of it." Cas stood, mouth open to speak, but Dean was already half way out the door. "Go to hell, Cas" he called, not bothering to look back, as he climbed the stairs and slammed the door behind him. "I don't understand, I believed that Dean...that Dean and I..." Cas shook his head and turned to Sam. "What have I done wrong?"  
Gabriel spoke first. "Cassie. You're forgetting who you're dealing with here. You think Dean Winchester would ever choose you over Sam?" He tossed a jelly bean at the blue eyed Angel. "I believe the expression is 'take a chill pill.' Dean just gets worked up over Sammy here." He nudged Sam lovingly. Sam sighed in return. "I don't know about what Gabriel just said, but you two have seemed...distant. Did something happen?"  
Castiel flipped his hands over. "I...I don't know. There was...a moment..." Cas Ruffled his hair. "I didn't think it changed things between us." Sam looked apologetically at the flustered Angel. "Maybe you should try talking to him." Silence. Then Sam cleared his throat and stood. "Wanna take a nap, Gabe?"  
"What kind of nap?" Gabriel wiggled his eyebrow. "An actual nap." Sam said rolling his eyes. The archangel threw his head back in mock disgust. "I'll be there in a second." Sam leaned in to plant a small, chaste kiss on Gabriel's lips, and patted Cas' shoulder as he walked past him to his room.  
"Do you know something, little brother? Look at us, hung up on the words of two humans. I mean, sure they're hot as... Well hell. But they're just humans! We're Angels!" Gabriel says, standing and circling Cas in skippy steps. "what is your point?"  
"If the Winchesters won't take the train to hell, maybe we should. Like you said, we have to follow every lead."  
"But Dean..."  
"Castiel! This is what I'm talking about! Forget him! You should have kicked him to the curb ages ago. He's made it clear he doesn't care about what happens to you."  
"You...you think Dean doesn't care about me?" Cas asked, tilting his head. Gabriel cocked his head, mirroring Cas. "Here's the thing about 'emotions' Cassandra. They change the way you see things. They're like goggles, and once you put the goggles on, it's hard to see how things actually are. You've gotten so caught up in the way you feel..." The word dripped with distain as it fell from the archangels mouth. "That you've convinced yourself that these...men... Actually care for you."  
Castiel's eyes shown with hurt, and he pursed his lips in a tight line. Gabriel reached up and put a hand on either side of Castiel. "Come on, Cassie. What good is free will if you don't use it?! Let's go see the devil!"  
Cas nodded, small and barely perceptible, suddenly the world melted, the lights shifted, and all Cas could feel was heat, hot and pulsing, dragging his skin and a heavy weight on his heart. As his eyes adjusted to the flickering darkness, he could barely make out where he was, the cage. Before him, Gabriel melted away, and was replaced by Lucifer, eyes prowling and hungry as he gripped either side of Cas. He ran his hands up and down Cas' arms. "Finally." The devil breathed out. "Castiel, I've been waiting for you."  
"No. You were calling to Sam. He saw you? Here. In the cage." Luci laughed. "Please, little angel. Everyone knows the way to your heart is those brothers. I simply used what was at my disposal. I've always had my own personal gateway to the mind of little Sammy, I was just waiting for the right opportunity." Cas glared, and tried to escape his grasp. "Why would you need me?" Satan smiled, sickly sweet. "You are going to help me kill Dean Winchester."


	8. Bonded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playin it realllllll loose with biblical mythology. Mentions of Cain and Eve.

"Where's Gabriel?"  
Lucifer sighed, releasing Cas, and sauntered over to the other side of the cage. Snapping his fingers, a chair appeared. "You know, you worry an awful lot over people who never even think about you." Luci said, sitting. "Please, sit." He said gesturing to a newly formed chair across from himself. Cas looked at it suspiciously, but decided to sit. "Let me tell you a story." Cas squinted at him. "I've had enough of your stories." With a roll of his eyes and a snap of his fingers, lucifer silenced cas. He put a finger to his chin. "Where was I? Oh right. The darkness. Now, from what I understand, you've all been misled. Yes, the darkness is gods sister, and yes, he banished her to the realm of the mark. But before that...bit of nastiness...Amara and daddy dearest were close. You could say they were as close as Sam and Dean, in fact." Lucifer swept his hand and a scene unfolded between them. Gods hand held the earth. The heavens swirled around it, a beautiful pink, teeming with angels. The veiw zoomed in, to Adam in the garden. Eve was laughing. Michael stood in the distance, an approving look on his face. "See Cas, this was God's vision. A world filled with angels like us, and those little mud monkeys and he was going to play house or whatever." The scene changed again, a woman, beautiful and wrapped in black silk dress. She was looking wistfully on to the distant earth, and stretched out her hand to hold it. Lucifer smiled wide, something like love pulling at his eyes. "Amara, she had a vision too. Of children. Of a race that mirrored her perfection perfectly. But she lacked the ability to create things for herself, so she asked God for a place in his world, and he, loving brother, gave her a chance." In her hand appeared A young lucifer, different vessel, but same smile. "So she took a few of us angels in as her own. I was one of them, as was Gabriel. Amara was the one who made us special, gave us abilities beyond what the average Angel could even dream of." The light in the vision swirled to heaven, all pink and yellow and bright. Angels were laughing, white wings fluttering. "The thing was, God...God gave us hope and love and faith. But Amara, she was the balance. The death to his life. The darkness to god's light." Dark grey melted into the light of heaven, a few Angels were pulled into its path, their wings turning to deep tones of blue and brown and green. "She gave us hate, and pain, and jealousy. And oh did it feel good. The power from hate made God cower in fear. And it opened my eyes!" Young lucifer took over the scene again, eyes wide and deeply blue, a cloud of grew around him. He looked to the earth, at gods hand giving Adam everything he wanted. "Made me see how wrong he was. To worship these...these animals? Like they were more than us? How dare he, I thought. I couldn't stand by, so I went to Amara with my plans to seduce Eve. Amara gave me the power to succeed. And, later when Eve had grown old and tired of her stupid human life, as a thank you she gave eve the ability to birth all the monsters you see on the earth today. And to humans she gifted them their destruction." Cain appeared, younger, the grey absent from his hair, but the creases of anger lined his eyes even then, he was looking at his brother in the distance who giving thanks to God. The same woman appeared, and drew close to him, cupping his jaw in her hand, lips barely touching his ear. "She perched on Cain's shoulder, and whispered into his soul to kill his brother. The blood on cain's hands would never dry. The blood of an entire race." The scene returned to the earth in god's hand, but this time in dripped of blood, think and dark red. Lucifer snickered. "So sad, the humans, they kill themselves...blah. blah. blah. Well, that's when God had enough." Cain reappeared, the mark glowing on his arm, Amara was being pulled into it, her grace smoked grey as it was dragged into the arm of the man. Cain howled in pain. "He locked her away in the mark, banished Cain to an eternity of suffering. And as for me? Well. He loved me to much to Kill me. He gave me hell. An unoccupied space in the cosmos for me to do as I please in. And I suppose you know the rest. He wrote me into his book as the evil, and here we are." The vision faded away, and again Cas was alone with the devil.   
Cas pondered what he had told him, wondering wether or not to believe him. Remembering the spell he put on Cas, Luci lifted a finger off the arm of the chair and Cas' jaw visibly relaxed. "Did you bring Gabriel back?" The Angel asked, finally. Luci sighed. "Alas, I did not. The darkness did that. Gabriel has always been a wild card. She liked his fire. But God liked it too, it was his hope that one day, Gabriel could unite the two sides of the coin. So when he locked away Amara, he took Gabriel's memories of her. Buuuut, he and i have special connection because of Amara. It's what allowed me to take control of his vessel briefly to get you down here. And boy, Cas did you cut if close." He whistled. "If you had just waited for one more second, I would have lost control of Gabe and you and I would have never gotten to talk. But luckily, you. Said. Yes." A slight hiss lingered in the air.   
"Why Dean." Cas asked after a moment.  
Lucifer covered his face with his hand. "Father would be sooooOo disappointed in how slow you've become. Look. Dean held the mark. Dean killed Cain. Dean betrayed the entire universe by killing death and by ignoring his responsibilities during the apocalypse. Amara *loves* everything that Dean has become. She feels connected to him. They have a ...profound bond. And you know what great they can go have kinky sex whenever they want. But you stand in her way. You see, you and Dean? Your 'bond' is somewhat stronger. Because of you pulling him out of hell and putting his soul back together and whatever, You, insignificant Angel, control the last bit of good in him. He's drawn to that goodness. You can't blame him really, but It's confusing him, pulling him away from his destiny with Amara. Buuuuut if you kill him, you destroy the good in him, he sees you as nothing more than another 'dick with wings' and he becomes a demon again thanks to Amara. Well. Not a demon. Not an angel, though, either. Something shiny and new." He flashes his eyes wide.  
Cas feels his stomach drop, acid bubbling. "What do you get out of this?"  
"I'm glad you asked. First, I get Sam and hightail it out of this tin can. Then, I'll kill every last Angel that tries to get in my way. And after that, well, who knows? I have an endless supply of humans to play with and Amara and Dean to help me create a new, darker, world. Maybe then, dad will come say hi."  
Cas glares at his brother. "Why should I help you?"  
"Well as a reward I'll grant you True immortality and you can have a place in my world. Or is it a punishment? Since you'll have to watch the shell of you charge fuck someone else for eternity? Well either way, I like it. But really, Cas. Do you honestly believe you have a choice?"  
A noise creeped into Cas's head. He felt the world beneath him shake. Something was tugging at him, deep in his grace, telling him to wake up. "Go, brother. I'll be with you." Luci winked, and Cas felt himself falling, falling, and then there was darkness. Darkness and Dean.


	9. Beneath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am drunk writing this so eebryone knows

Fear rose in Dean in throat, acid collecting in his stomach. Cas wasn't waking up. 

The Angel was lying on the threshold of the map room and the entry way of the bunker. His blue eyes were slack in his skull when the hunter lifted his eye lids in an attempt to force him into alertness. Just when Dean had felt his body giving up, arms going slack in desperation and panic, Cas' eyes fluttered open. You could hear the dryness in his mouth as he whispered one word before collapsing into sleep again.   
"Dean."  
Dean's heart just about collapsed in on itself, a lethal mix of gut wrenching fear and tentative excitement giving him a swarm of butterflies in his chest.   
"Sammy!" Dean heard himself yell, heard the panic in his voice, visions of the last time he watched his Angel die dancing in his mind, the reaper and the Angel blade in her hand. Visions he didn't dare to dwell on lingered too, of his fist and the same torturous glisten of a blade, of Cas' hand on his.   
The colors blurred together as Sam came running and helped Dean carry Cas to his bed. The brothers laid Cas down, and Sam lingered for a moment, eyes never leaving Cas, while he laid a hand on deans shoulder. When Sam leaves, Dean sinks to his knees, bitter tears finally escaping his eyes.

When Cas finally wakes up, Dean is curled around him in the bed, a nest of blankets surrounding them both. Cas reaches out to touch the man's jaw, just to make sure he's real. At the contact, Dean subconsciously pulls away, decades of reflexes kicking in, even in his dreams. Cas freezes, and Dean relaxes. The Angel decides he is content to watch him in the silence. He maps out the constellations of freckles scattered on dean's nose, making notice of how the lines along his eyes have eased in sleep, a calmness that's not normally there painted on his features.   
When Cas wakes up, Dean is gone, the blankets are folded, the mattress cold, and Cas is forced to wonder what was real and what was his dreams. A voice in the depths of his mind cackles at his lapse in his reality. Cas pushes it back further, eyes stinging with unshed tears. He palms the space in the bed where Dean's body could have been for a few moments before something forces him out of bed.   
He's not in control. He showers, he gets dresses, he eats breakfast with Sam, but it's not Cas. It's him. Lucifer. Tainting the sanctity of the bunker, his touch bleeding into the safety of his life at the bunker. When Gabe walks in, he pauses so quickly that human eyes would have never noticed. A brief glances passes between them the celestial brothers. Then it's gone, and Gabe kisses Sam, grabs some coffee, dumping some sugar in, and sits down like nothing's wrong. Casifer clears his thoat. "Where's Dean?" He asks.   
Sam glances up at him. "Last time I saw him he was in your bed." Sam's jaw twitches despite himself. Gabe smirks.   
Cas feels panic rising, but calms when he realizes lucifer wouldn't still be here if Dean was dead.   
As if on cue, Dean appears to their side, clearing his throat and grabbing some coffee. He doesn't make any attempt to hide the fact that he pours half a cup of whiskey into his coffee. When he sits at the table with them, there's a moment of awkward quiet. Lucifer whispers into Cas' mind "Look at how uncomfortable you make him... he could never love you Cas." 

Gabe and Sam exchange a look, and leave the room without a word, a true miracle in dean's eyes. Cas clears his throat, but it's Dean who speaks first. "Are you okay, man?"  
Cas blinks at him. "Yes, Dean. Are you?"   
Dean shuffles in his seat, taking a deep swig of his coffee. "I uh...yeah. I... Like waking up next to you."   
Cas' mouth turns up in a small smile. "Then why did you leave?" He asks.   
Dean rubs the back of his neck, heat pooling in his cheeks.   
Cas lowers his voice and leans closer to Dean. "In case you didn't notice, I like waking up next to you..." He makes a hiccup like noise, lowering his eye line to dean's lips. "I like everything about you Dean." 

Dean's head snaps to look directly at Cas, caught off guard by his words. He opens his mouth, and closes it again. The pair stares at each other a few seconds more, till suddenly Cas is reaching out for his and his lips are on his and Dean swears he sees sparks, like the first time they met in the barn. 

When Dean pulls away to breathe, Cas nuzzles his nose into the underside of dean's jaw. And before he knows what's happening, his mouth is moving and words are coming out and he can't stop himself. 

"I love you."  
"I love you, too, Dean."

Dean's brain might melt. He pulls Cas' face back to his. Their lips touch, urgent. They fight to show the other the depths of their affections. Dean's hand tangles in Cas hair. Years of desire setting his nerves off like fireworks. Cas is pushing forward, and tugs at dean's shirt. 

"Cas." Dean breathes. "Bedroom." 

In a snap, their on the bed. Clothes are being pulled off. Dean worships Cas' body like an alter, and comes with the angel's name on his lips. 

Glowing in the aftermath of their love, Dean pulls his naked Angel into his arms, rubbing circles with his thumb over the bite marks and hickeys he's left of Cas' vessel, his pride puffed out over the marks of owner ship. "Mine" he thinks. Dean whispers noises of adoration into his hair, and falls asleep the happiest he's been in his whole life. 

Cas is drowning in lucifer's grace. The devil cut him off from his body in the moments before the kiss, but that doesn't mean he can't still see what's going on. He watches Dean come apart under his hands, but can't feel his skin on his. Can feel dean's love, his need, can't hear Dean say his name like a prayer. He's caught up in the thought that even if they get out of this mess, this will always be a ruined moment. The first time they made love will always be a stabbing pain of regret. Of fear. And Cas feels like even if Luci kills Dean, this will always be the biggest cut he makes.

Lucifer chokes out Cas' thoughts, and Cas is lost in the void Lucifer creates for him.


	10. Sapphire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's really hard narratively to refer to Cas when it's lucifer possessing Cas. So I know it's confusing. Unless it's explicitly Castiel as we know and love him, please assume that it's lucifer.

2 weeks.  
Lucifer tortures Cas for two weeks. Little soft kisses with coffee in the morning and lazy snuggles when the research is too much and Dean seeks out the comfort of Cas' arms. In the days its domestic, and Cas has never seen Dean happier, even when he's looking through the window lucifer made him. Sam notices. Gabe notices. When Gabriel asks "cas" about it there's always a nicely timed distraction, and Gabriel always lets the question go unanswered. The real Cas can't figure out how the three people who know him best can't see that it's not really him. 

In the night, it's a different story. It's hot and sticky and full of inescapable need. The first time casifer puts his hands around dean's neck Cas fights so hard that for a brief, shining moment, he gains control. Dean is too far gone to notice his lovers eyes flash, his touch turn soft, the subtle change in features. Instead he grabs for Cas' hands around his neck and pushes, giving into a kink he didn't know he had. Luci pulls Cas back quickly, and Cas feels his hope draining.

Dean says Cas' name every time he comes. 

For his part, Sam has done his best to be happy for his brother. But the walls can be thin, and now he cringes every time he hears Cas' name. Gabriel pretends not to notice. Instead he pours love into Sam, and Sam takes and he takes and he takes. 

Sam never says Gabriel's name.

Like everything in the Winchesters life, it all comes crashing down. This time, it's a Tuesday. Sam is watching Dean and Cas cuddle, instead of reading the lore he has in front of him. Gabriel is watching Sam watch them. He taps his fingers on the table and waits for Sam to notice him.  
"Sam. Did you hear me?" He asks, patience growing thin. 

Sam doesn't hear him. 

Gabriel cracks just a little, a hairline fracture in the ice. "I asked you if you had heard anything about that lead in Decatur?" 

"Hm?" Sam eyes finally pull away from the couple in front of him. 

Little vines of breakage weave in Gabriel's mind. "What lead in Decatur?" Sam's asks innocently. 

There it is. Shatter. "Well maybe if you stopped being so fucking jealous you could see what was right in front of you." Gabriel spits the words at Sam, grabbing dean's attention. 

Dean stands and Saunters over to the pair. "What's going on?" He asks, ever the concerned brother. 

Gabriel turns his rage to Dean. "Cool, now you decided to look up from Cas' eyes to see that your brother has lost his mind."

Dean scrunches his face together "Sammy is fine." Sam tried to agree but is cut of by Gabriel "you shut your pretty mouth, Sam. I'm done with your excuses."  
Dean raises a hand to the archangel. "Hold up Gabe, I don't know what you think is going on but I think you need to chill out."  
Gabriel's eyes grow wide, and pan the brothers with eyes that scream 'are you kidding, bitch?'

"Cas" stands up, and joins the fray. "Brother, perhaps this is a problem that Sam and you should talk about else where." 

Gabriel smirks. "You know what Cas. I'd freaking love to go else where. I'd love nothing more than to move on. But because of these dumb ass kids I have to save the fucking world. And honestly I don't see you helping that much. So remind me again Cas, what exactly do you do?"  
Dean steps in between the brothers. "Watch it, Gabriel..." He snarls out, a little piece of the mark burning in his tone. 

Gabriel stands his ground, rage practically smoking of of him. The group watches eachother with wary anger, until finally Sam stands and says "maybe Cas is right. Let's go for a drive." When Gabriel makes no move, the taller man grabs him by the arm and pulls. The archangel allows himself to be dragged, following Sam to the garage. 

Left alone in the silence, Dean turns to Cas. "Do you think I should go after them?" He asks. Cas rests a hand on dean's shoulder. "no, Dean. Somethings you have to handle yourself. Meaning...without your brother." Dean nods somberly. He shakes it off and smiles at his Angel and leans in to kiss him. "Well then I goes we should make use of this time... I thought we'd never have the bunker to ourselves..." The hunter says into Cas' lips. 

"You know, I was beginning to think that myself. I thought for sure you would go after Sammy boy... This is turning out to be faar easier than I thought.." Cas laughs back at him. The act has dropped, his voice changed. Dean stops breathing. Lucifer takes the moment to push Dean out of his personal space. "Did you really think you could be happy Dean?" 

The air is being pulled out of dean's lungs. "What have you done with Cas?" He manages to get out. Panic is tugging in his chest. 

"That little wimpy thing? He's around somewhere." Cas smirks at Dean. "Did you really think he'd hang around forever? With the way you treat him? You kept waiting until it was faaaaar too late." 

Tears prick behind dean's eyes. "Who are you?" 

Cas turns his body and makes a gesture like a girl in a game show. "Take a guess" 

Dean backs up until he hits a wall. "Lucifer..." He whispers. 

Cas snaps his fingers. "And to think people call you dumb. It's me, in the flesh." 

Dean's hands are shaking as they search the wall for something to defend himself with. "Cas... How Long?" 

Lucifer stalks towards Dean, extending a hand to caress the hunter's jawline. Dean can't bring himself to flinch... it's still Cas' hand, right? Lucifer smiles with Cas' mouth and it makes Dean feel sick. "You really think he could love you Dean? You think you deserve the love of an angel? I mean sure, Cas is pretty pathetic, but he is still my kin. He basically only sticks around because you keep screwing up. But you had to know that one day he would go. You have to fight your own battles, little man." 

Tears are falling from dean's eyes. "You're a liar." He chokes out. 

Lucifer bows a bit. His eyes twinkle. "That I am. But you know this is true. How could anyone love you?" He emphasizes the word you, making it sound like a dirty word. Lucifer wraps his hand around the side of dean's neck, his fingers finding a pulse point and pressing hard. Dean's vision starts to go black, but he is too weak to fight. Cas didn't love him. Sam has Gabriel.  
Devil stands above him, his eyes shining blue, a halo of light wafts off of him. Dean always lived in shades of gray...until there was that shine of blue eyes in his life. it feels right that this is how he should go out, the darkness creeping in, the hand of the man he loves around his neck, everything he's ever wanted choking the life out of him. That little bit of sapphire is the last thing he sees.


	11. Like An Old Friend

Sometimes Cas remembers his time with the leviathan. He remembers the feeling of slime in the throat, the black seeping out of his eyes. But mostly he remembers the water, the lake. He remembers that feeling of coming up, seeing the sky through the lens the water makes, making everything seem far away and not very real. And then your head comes up and the air touches your skin and you're living in two universes at once. You fight the sea of liquid to breathe in the air. 

Cas was drowning in lucifer's grace. It was in his lungs. But just like in the lake, he could see. He could see Dean gasp for air, see him reach for the hand of Cas' vessel. Dean was a world away, through the looking glass. Cas felt helpless, so he did the only thing he knew how to do and he starting fighting, fighting the current of grace that was holding him down. An uphill battle he knew he would lose, but he had to try. 

Suddenly lucifer was being pushed back, cas with him. Gabriel had entered the room, and caught lucifer off guard. But his element of surprise was short lived. He regained his stance quickly, but was now more focused on the other Angel, letting Dean crumple to the floor and take in big, shaky breathes. Lucifer cackled at Gabe. "You think you can stop me Gabriel?" He taunted. 

"End this, lucifer. Let go of Cas, let Dean live, and we can figure out something for you. Something better." Gabriel pleaded, but there was anger in his tone. 

"Your time has passed, brother." Lucifer raised an eyebrow and Gabriel was thrown against the room. Lucifer turned his attention to Dean, and raised a hand. Dean had the eyes of a man who had given up, of one who accepted death...a broken soul. The sight was pitiful in the worst way. 

Suddenly lucifer's hand stopped. The devil looked at the betraying appendage with confusion, before his face contorted and suddenly it was Cas again. You could see him in the stance, the way his mouth moved. It's was the light in his eyes, the way he held his features. The cool air licks at Cas' grace, freedom in his grasp. But the water is rising, he can feel Lucifer's grip, dragging him down into the depths. 

"Cas..." Dean breathes. His eyes come to life. A fire reignited in his soul. And it's not the right moment but Dean wants cas to say it. Say that he loved him, say that he needed him. The thought is racing in his mind, all consuming in its need. Say the devil was wrong.

There's no time, silently Cas turns to Gabriel, who had managed to get up and was tentatively walking toward him with comprehension on his face, and begs with his eyes. A request so big that it can't be said out loud. A nod from Gabriel so loud it stops Dean's heart. 

Dean knows that look. He's seen in his brothers eyes the night he killed death. He's seen it in the mirror. He's seen it too many times to not know what's coming. The man struggles to get up, panic itching in his skin, but his body is too damaged. Feeling like he's lost the war, he crawls to where his love is standing. Gabriel is an arms length away from Cas now, and is raising his hand to the Angels head. It's all happening so slowly but he can't stop it. Dean feels tears falling. "Please don't do this." He begs. 

Cas turns his eyes to Dean, and they catch each others glance like they have a million times before. So much said, but nothing spoken, a lifetime of love captured in a single moment. Dean reaches for him, and Cas reaches back, his fingers sensing the proximity, nerves on fire. 

There's the flash of light, and Cas can feel the sun on his skin, the water falling away from him. He takes one last glorious breathe, tastes freedom on his lips and then he's dropping down to his knees. 

Dean can no longer tell if he's screaming out loud or if this is all just a terrible dream. Cas falls on to his back. Eyes burned out, wings engraved into the floor of the bunker. The way Cas fell, his body turned just enough so that Dean was caught in the blaze. His left hand is scared with the lines of the wings of the Angel Castiel, a tangible reminder of how he almost could reach him. Divided by worlds and time and 'almost.' 

Dean drags himself to Cas, cradles his head in his hands, traces his lips. "No, no please. I need you." He whispers. Dean yanks his head up to Gabriel, eyes coated in thick pain. Gabriel stands stoic as he watches Dean puts his head on Cas' chest, and cry into his shirt.


	12. The Void

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've added two characters to the story, Charlie and an oc that I've been thinking about for a looooong time. I hope it works! Thanks for sticking with me.

Dean does what Dean does best. He stands up, pushes the pain aside. He faces Gabriel, and he's not even angry. Feelings get in the way, so he learned long ago to push and push and push them down. 

"Sam?" Dean calls, never breaking his gaze at Gabe. 

A shaking Sam steps into the room. "I'm fine." 

Dean nods. "Talk, Loki." 

Gabe looks down. Theres something about him that neither brother can place, because they've never seen it on Gabriel. Confusion. "I...I don't know how I didn't see it."

Sam reaches for his shoulder trying to comfort him. Gabriel raises his head back to look at Dean. "Cas bought us time. Lucifer is still alive, but now he has no vessel. He needs to find one and that will take effort on his part." 

"How long?" Dean asks. 

"Two days. Tops." Gabe says. 

Dean rubs a hand over his face. "Two days." 

Sam looks between them, at Cas' body. "How are we going to make it out of this?" 

Gabe turns to Sam. "I might know someone who can help. But you aren't going to like it." 

A few hours later, the three men are standing around a demons trap, coated in flaming holy oil. Gabriel says a few words in enochian. Sam picks out a few words but the one that stands out the most is void. Suddenly, standing in the circle in a small red headed girl, looking confused and not exactly happy. That is until she sees who summoned her. 

Charlie waves a skinny hand at them "sup bitches!" 

Sam and Dean don't have time to process their confusion because the fire goes out and they are thrown across the room. 

"P, wait! I know them!" Charlie cries. 

A woman with long black hair appears in the room. She looks to where the boys are collecting themselves in the corner, before turning her gaze to Gabriel. "Yes, but I know him." She unsheathes a black knife from her waist and uses it to point to the archangel. 

Gabriel raises his hands in mock surrender. "Now now, Polaris I think we can talk this through. No need to get nasty." 

The girl raises a perfect eyebrow at him and purses her lips. Sam and Dean stand and cautiously move toward Charlie. Dean speaks first. "How is this possible?" 

Polaris hasn't moved, and neither has Gabe, but Charlie bounds over to grab the brothers in a hug. "Oh I'm so happy you summoned us. P didn't want to come here while Gabriel was here and before that we were busy saving the universe. Dean she's the coolest, you're going to love her. And Sam seriously she knows like everything she's better than any book I've ever read." Charlie is talking a mile a minute. Sam shakes his head.   
"Great, she sounds great. But how are you hear we burned your body?" 

Charlie puts a hand to her heart "a hunters burial! For me! You guys!" She pulls them into another hug. 

Polaris puts her knife away, apparently accepting that she will have to wait to kill Gabriel. She turns to the reunion scene outplaying to her left. 

"Dean, Sam. I've heard so much about you. I am sorry I couldn't return Charlie to you sooner, but we had...complications." Her voice is beautiful, but you can hear the hint of an edge.   
Charlie bounces with excitement. "Tell them who you are!" She pokes Sam. 

The woman nods and smiles at Charlie. "My name is Polaris, i was conceived as a possible solution for a problem had by both the Angels and the demons, you know her as the darkness. My father was a powerful Angel, and my mother was a knight of hell. When my father presented me as a fledgling to the archangels, they dismissed me as an abomination. And sentenced me to death. But my father wouldn't let them. He hid me in a forming star, and allowed himself to be killed by the Angels." 

Sam nod, gears working in his mind. "He hid you inside the North Star, Polaris." 

Polaris beams at him. "Charlie told me you were smart." 

Gabriel eyes Sam's blush from across the room. 

"I grew up in the cosmos, and I used my natural abilities to create my own realm of sorts, known as the void. Mostly it's peaceful, a place I don't have to hide. Only a few people know I reside there. One of them is the reaper who collected Charlie. She feared for the sake of Charlie's soul, so she brought her to me. But I'm a bit selfish. I don't like to be alone. So i...resurrected her. I did my best to recreate her body. Her mind was intact." 

Dean smiles at Charlie. "Thank you." 

Polaris shakes her head. "Don't say thank you. If I had it my way we'd still be having adventures and avoiding you three." 

Sam twists his mouth. "But you were created to defeat the darkness. You must know she's returned." 

Polaris looks away, her dark eyes clouded with worry. Sam wonders if her eyes are black or dark blue, and how close he'd have to be to find out. 

"My father intended me to vanquish the darkness, yes. But I never was taught. He didn't trust my mother, and didn't tell her how he envisioned me defeating her. All of that was discussed long before I had the power to decided what to do with my life." 

"so you grabbed a girlfriend and ran away from your problems." Dean said. "Honestly, I like your style." 

Charlie shook her head at Dean. "We aren't together. Our connection is more like..." 

"Sisters." Polaris finished. "I admit, when I resurrected Charlie I...added a bit. Pulled a bit from me. Our connection is similar to the genetic qualities you and your brother share." 

"I finally have a real sister." Charlie beams. Seeing her so happy makes dean's heart hurt a little bit. 

He distracts him self with the problem at hand. "Well. Now we have the darkness and the devil on the loose. And I've just... Look I really need to kick these guys in the teeth so please. I'm begging you. Help us." 

Polaris cocks her head. "Who allowed lucifer to be freed?" 

Gabriel finally speaks up. "He manipulated my brother." 

Polaris doesn't turn to him, but rather directs her question to Sam. "And where is this angel? Is he being used as lucifer's vessel?" 

"Speaking of Angels....where's Cas? I miss that guy." Charlie pipes up. 

A heavy silence falls over the room. Charlie looks crestfallen. Polaris drops her eyes. "I see." Polaris squirms, trying to ask the right way. "Charlie told me about Cas... And Dean..." 

Charlie jerks her head up, hand following to cover her gasp. "I didn't even think! Dean!?" She turns to face her friend. 

Dean suddenly realizes that he never told anyone that Cas was his boyfriend. Even now that he knows it wasn't Cas, he feels like he betrayed him. Pain rushes over him anew and he can't meet Charlie's eyes. Sam can't find the words, so Gabriel speaks for them both. 

"Dean was trying for weeks to tell Cas he loved him, and it kept not going to plan. We don't know really when lucifer possessed cas, but he... Um." Gabriel stuttered. This was harder then it should be. 

Charlie looked like she could cry. "So you and Cas...you never...?" 

Dean shook his head a little, his voice just a touch over a whisper. "I don't know." 

"It could have been days, it could have been months. Before he attacked Dean there was never any sign that he wasn't..you know...him...or at least nothing definitive." Sam said quietly. 

Polaris seemed taken aback. "He attacked you? Why? I assumed it was Sam he was after...why get close to Dean? Why not use Cas' friendship with Sam to his advantage?" 

Sam looked at his hands. Gabriel sighed. "I don't know. But I do know that when...he was here.... I was a lot angrier than I usually am. The minute I would leave him, I'd calm down. Like his presence irritated me. That's why I went back into the room, I wanted to apologize for lashing out. If I hadn't gone in..." 

Polaris rolled this in her mind. "Sam...did you feel different?" 

Sam eyes Gabriel nervously. "Not around Cas. But...since the darkness was let out... I feel...drawn...to people...more than usual." 

"People?" Charlie pushes. 

"He means Dean." Gabriel says. 

Sam concentrates on staring a hole into the floor.

Polaris' eyes go wide. "Drawn...." 

"Oh yeah." Gabe says. 

Charlie coughs. Dean stutters out a what the hell, man. 

Polaris sucks in air. "Okay. Weird. Let's focus. If Dean was lucifer's target all along, it could account for why Sam was.... Lucifer must have a link into your head. But why target Dean." 

It hits Dean like a truck. "A more profound bond." He whispers. 

Polaris stares at him. "Excuse me?" 

Dean looks at her. "Cas said it to me once. He and I have a more profound bond. Those were his exact words." 

Gabriel raises an eyebrow. "Soo are you just losing it or do you have a point here?"

Charlie flips off Gabe. "He has a right to lose it." 

Dean pushes her hand down. "When the darkness and I met...she told me we had a bond. That we would be together. Obviously I said no...but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't...uh...drawn to her." 

Polaris runs a hand through her hair. Sucking in a cheek on one side as she thinks. "So lucifer possessed Cas to get close to you. To kill you using Cas."

Sam looks up finally. "To kill the bond you have."

Gabriel nods. "And killing you is nothing to Amara, she could bring you back." 

Polaris points at Gabriel. "Dean had the mark. She doesn't have to bring him back. How did Luci attack you?" 

"He choked me." Dean said.   
"Show me." Polaris said walking toward him. Dean exposes his neck, and there, just where lucifer placed Cas' thumb, was a barely visible scar. A new mark. 

Polaris catches the panic in dean's eyes. "It won't have an effect on you until you die." She tells him in a soothing tone. 

Charlie smiles. "So just don't die and were good!" 

Sam clenches his jaw. Gabriel walks over, and soothes the muscle with his thumb. "we are going to get through this, sammy." 

Charlie's face lights up. "Sammy? Are you together? Like together together?" 

Sam manages a smile at Gabriel, which Gabriel returns more easily. "Yeah, we are." Sam says. 

"Eeeeeeeeeee!" Cries Charlie pulling Gabriel into a hug. "You can't kill him now P! He's family!" 

Dean watches Polaris roll her eyes at Charlie and decides he likes this new girl. A tingle in the back of his mind says to hold on to hope. God knows they've gotten through awful things. Maybe they could get through one more.


End file.
